ENGLISH (日本語は以下にあります）
Flashbacks
It’s been a long time since I’ve posted, even though I promised myself I’d try to post weekly or at least monthly. I ended up busy enough that procrastinating the blog made sense. Leaving my job, moving (still looking for a new place), trying to settle into my new job, etc. When I realized I hadn’t posted in 5 months, I decided I’d just do it with a new year post – it’s probably going to be long this time.
I wanted to try something with a friend – talking about everything that happened that happened in the last year, comparing what we think of ourselves right now vs. then, what our current goals are, etc. It ended up not happening yet, so I decided to do it sort-of briefly in this part of the post.
The parts I remember clearly are the parts spent with people most important to me, starting with the first day of 2018 where I was in a bar with one of my closest friends until 6am (we did the countdown there). We talked about goals, life, the past, everything that can make a conversation meaningful and memorable. His and my friends were all with their families in different parts of Japan so we spent it together which was already the plan anyway so it kind of worked out. We’ve been friends since my time in Boston and I somehow inspired him (his words, not mine) to get back to studying Japanese and take the risk to come to Japan without ever being here. There’s not a day that we regret coming here. We always take the liberty to remind ourselves about where we are, what kind of friends we’ve made, what kind of life we have…it’s breathtaking to even think about where I am now versus where I was just after college.
There were plenty of other great things that happened last year, though. In the Spring, I ended up getting moved to Shinjuku for work as part of a project helping at the customer site. I didn’t like it at first as the job itself became boring and dull, but my after-work life in Shinjuku was well spent in bars, playing darts, pool, and of course making new friends, and more. No one ever made plans or anything, but somehow we’d end up going to karaoke at 9pm or staying out until morning.
During the summer, I applied for Google Japan. Google was the goal for a while and even though I didn’t have the confidence that I’d be able to join, I went for it anyway. I reached out to a friend and was blessed with a referral. That’s when a Google recruiter reached out to me and asked for my resume. After a few days, I was asked for a phone interview. Amazed at the opportunity, I tried to go over everything in my head about what it would possibly cover. The nerves began, but I had to do it – for me.
I got the call. We talked about my resume, old job, current job, what I’m currently working on, tested my Japanese – everything you’d expect from a phone interview. I answered everything I could. After we hung up it played back in my head, with all the things that I could have or should have said, wondering if I failed. As my confidence took the plunge, I got an email from the recruiter – asking for an interview. I had passed what I thought would be impossible for me. With the next interview, I passed, then I passed again. Unfortunately nerves conquered me in the end and I failed at the final interview – the most important one. I think that my want to join the company and knowing that it was Google caused me to say things or not say things, different from what I normally would. However, as unfortunate as it was/is, having gotten to the end of Google’s interview process, my confidence in myself has skyrocketed and made me so much more determined to quit my job as it didn’t provide anything meaningful for me when it came to my career.
The rest of the summer was spent with friends, gaming with my brother, meeting new friends, and just trying to be a better me. I went to Odaiba with a group of close friends and I played a full body VR zombie game which was intense. The gear and weapons were a little bit heavy, so soreness kicked in the next day, however it was one of the most fun experiences and I’d recommend it to anyone.
During the fall, I continued my job search and finally found one that matches my needs. I was linked to it by a good friend of mine who’d recently just gotten hired as well. Reaching out, I gave my resume and job summary, but I was told it needed to be in Japanese format…not sure what that was I had to spend a few hours trying to write it and eventually just turned it in, not wanting to focus on perfection. I didn’t want to get my hopes up because until then, my search had always been for naught. However, I got in. Telling my then-job that I was leaving came so natural to me and many people weren’t surprised, but the month or so needed until I actually entered the new company was dreadful. I got put on odd-jobs just testing systems I never touched before, so it was pretty boring. On top of that, I was living in a company-dorm so I had to move out before leaving the company. I’m currently living with a friend at the moment with plans to move this month or the beginning of next, but that’s not important. Because of my need to change apartments, I have to be a bit cheap and not spend money – try not to at least. Thus, most of my free time is studying, gaming, or keeping it cheap at cafes and such.
Joining the new company, it has been amazing. Everyone is nice, I’m learning, and it fits all that I could ask for. This new job has motivated me to go further and study as much as possible. I can see the future of my career more clearly and I’m determined to make myself even more proud than I am already.
A little before winter hit, I met up with a friend at a lounge and we talked for the first time in a relaxed setting. He used to work at the bar that I frequented and we became good friends, but both being busy, we never were able to meet up and leisurely talk as people. We talked about our lives, our future, our goals, what we think makes us us. We learned about how similar we are in nearly every aspect. We have the same mindset about our lives, we don’t let the past hold us back, we don’t let negativity linger, etc. We talked about how amazing it is that two people who come from two entirely different countries, separated by the sea, could be so similar. It only proves that being “American” or being “Japanese” or whatever race you are cannot be a good excuse to be who you are. A person is just who he or she is and can be what they want.
The rest of the winter, up until today has been spent with friends, talking to family, and being with those who are important to me. I couldn’t ask for more.
What I’ve learned
People are limited by what they allow. If you put a label on yourself, use words like “I can’t” or “impossible,” etc, you’re essentially limiting yourself even though you could be more. How many times have you seen people (or you yourself) get over obstacles and improve exponentially? How many times have you done what you didn’t expect you could? Times when you were right, but thought you were wrong? Thought you would fail, but passed? We surprise ourselves so often, and yet our confidence doesn’t really improve so much until we let it. A lot of people try not to seem over confident, so they deny compliments. My time until now has taught me I should just say “thank you” and use it as motivation to get better instead of saying things like “nah that’s true” or “yeah…but–“.
There’s much more to yourself than you are open to showing or have even noticed. Of course that isn’t everyone because some people do show all of their cards, but people are amazing at a lot of things. Life isn’t all happiness. There is no way for that to be true. However I’m sure you can name at least one person who is close to you and would be there for you no matter what you’re going through. You’re not alone in struggle and I think it’s a good idea to make sure others aren’t either.
No matter what is happening, moving forward is possible. It’s all a mindset game and even if you think something is impossible for you, it isn’t for someone else. Which means go for it. If you have anything lingering in your mind, you should go for it since that’s the best way to have no regrets about the past. Letting go of things you cannot help and forgiving yourself for failure – using it as motivation to improve is a clean path to growth and also sets you up for a positive mindset.
Being positive isn’t hard, but it’s a bit challenging to learn to turn bad experiences into a positive. You have to shift your point of view. Think about what you appreciate from the experience – maybe you spent it with friends or family. Maybe you now know what NOT to do (learned something new). Positive thinking is a lot of logical thinking as well. You can use your dislike of a taste to turn an entire restaurant experience into something awful. Or you can you use the love you have for your friends and new experiences to turn it into something great. If anyone says happiness is hard, it’s not.
Moving Forward
It’s 2019 and I’ve been wanting to do things like start a YouTube channel, streaming my gaming experience on Twitch, continuously writing this blog, getting used to the camera, improving as a person, etc. A lot of my setback comes from self-confidence and being shy when it comes to the camera. However, after everything that has gone on in my life, both in America and Japan, I realized that my lack of confidence and camera-shyness is uncalled for. I talk about positivity and new experiences, but when it comes especially to a camera-related topic I tend to back down or get a little bit nervous.
With that said, on top of everything that is going to happen this year, my goal is to get used to the camera and begin my channels. Of course there are other goals – working out, getting better with the drums, getting better at singing, going to South Korea, others – and I will get those done as well.
Whatever may happen this year, I will make sure to stay positive, move forward, stay motivated, and be there for those who need me.
Thus, I ask you to do the same. Whether you fail or not, go for your goals. Start that new hobby. Learn that new language. Do what you want to do. Experience what you want to experience. Live your best year. That’s the only way we can make sure we can say we have no regrets.
Most of all, be positive and spread that positivity as far you as you can. You might motivate other people to do the same.
日本語
フラッシュバック
毎週または少なくとも毎月投稿しようと自分に約束したにもかかわらず投稿してから長い時間が経った。ブログを先延ばしにすることが理にかなっているほど忙しくなった。仕事を辞めて、引っ越して（まだ新しい場所を探している）、新しい仕事に落ち着こうとするなど、5か月もして投稿していないことに気付いたとき、新年の投稿でそれをやると決めた。それで今回はおそらく長くなるかもね。
友達と去年に起こったことをすべてについて話して、その時の「自分」と現在の自分、目標などを比較したかった。それをまだしてないから一旦このポストで少しでも話そうかなと思った。
2018年の最初の日から色々覚えている。一番覚えやすいのは大事な人と過ごした時。例えば、お正月に親友の1人と午前6時までバーで過ごした時（あそこでカウントダウンした）。そこで、目標、人生、過去とか、つまり会話を有意義で思い出深いものにすることができることをすべてについて話した。私たちの友人たちは皆東京の異なる地域にいて家族と一緒にいたから俺らは一緒にニューイヤを過ごした。ボストンにいた時から友達だったけど、ある日、「ニコのお陰でまた日本語を勉強したくなって、俺も日本に行ったないのに行ってみたい」と言われた。それで友達追加にて二人で日本に行くことになった。二人とも今まで日本に行くことを後悔したことない。日本にいること、現在の友達、今の人生などをよく振り返る。大学を卒業した時に比べたら今の人生は本当に素敵だと思う。
もちろん、去年に起こった良いことが多いと思う。春に新宿に移動され、お客様先で働いてた。最初は超つまらなかったけど、仕事の後の生活はだいたいハブで飲んだり、ダーツ、ビリヤードをやったり、新しい友達を作ったりしてたからから楽しかった。仲良い友達と遊んだら誰も予定作らず急に集合して夜21時でもカラオケ行ったりオールしたりしてた。
夏の頭にGoogle Japanに挑戦した。目標はGoogleに入ることだったけど自信がなくて絶対入れないと思った。それで試したかった。友達に連絡してレフェラルしてもらった。Googleの職業紹介事業の一人からのメールが急に来て職務経歴書を依頼された。後少しで電話面接を頼まれてもちろんやばい緊張してきた。でも、「自分のためにやらないと」と思ったから頑張りたかったね。
電話がきた。職務経歴書、前職、現在職場、現在プロジェクト、日本語能力などを普通な電話面接みたいに話した。しかし、電話を切ってからずっと「これを言えばよかった」を何回も思っちゃって落ちたかなと心配していた。自信がだんだんなくなってしまってたけど急にメールが届いた。合格した。俺が？無理だと思ってたのに合格した。次回の面接も合格。その次も。ただし、最後の面接を結局落ちた。。。一番大切なのになー。俺が思うに緊張しすぎて（だってGoogleだ）、言えばいいこと言わなくて、言わなければいいことを言っちゃって落ちたかも。本当に残念だけど、Googleの最後の面接まで行けたから自信は100倍上がった。その自信でつまらない仕事を絶対やめたいと思った。
夏の残りは、友達と遊んだり、お兄さんとゲームしたり、新しい友人を作ったり、自己啓発に頑張ったりしてた。一回お台場で友達と初めてJoypolisのVRゲームをやってやばい楽しかった。武器などは重かったから次の日に筋肉痛はひどかったけど、1回でもやってみて欲しい。
秋に、転職活動を続け、ついに良さそうな会社を見つかった。最近採用された友達が紹介してくれたからすぐ連絡して応募の申し込みを出したけど、日本のフォーマットにするの難しくて完璧にせずに出した。その時までずっとダメだったから受かると思わなかったから受かった時に少しびっくりした。仕事をやめると会社に言った後、ずっと無駄な作業をもらって１ヶ月苦しかったね。それより、会社の寮に住んでたから引っ越ししないといけなかった。それで今は一旦友達と住んでるから大丈夫だけどやすい生活をしててめんどくさい。やすい生活では勉強、ゲーム、カフェなどだけにしているけど、意外と楽で楽しい。
新しい会社に入った。入社日からこの投稿まで、会社が最高だと思っている。みんな優しいし、沢山成長しているし、ネガティブな点が今までないと思う。会社のお陰でモチベーションが高くて勉強したくなった。キャリアの将来でも見えるようになった。
冬の前に、久しぶりに友達にホテルのラウンジで会った。初めて楽なところで会話してたから色々話せた。前はその友達が僕はよく行ってたハブで働いてて友達になったけど二人とも忙しすぎて会えなかった。やっと話した時、お互いに今までの人生、将来、目標、夢、自分に関して話した。その時に気づいたけど超似てると二人が思った。同じ考え方だし、同じく過去に懲りず頑張れるし、ポジティブに生きてるし。違う国なのにこんなに似ているのは凄いと思った。「アメリカ人だから」、「日本人だから」という言い訳で自分は自分だということはもうダメだと思った。人はどうなりたいと決めてなれる。
冬の残りは普通に友達と遊んだり、家族と話したり、大切な人たちと過ごしたりしている。それは何より。
勉強になったこと
人々は自分を限っている。「できない」、「無理」などの言葉を言うと、出来るのに出来なくなる。困難の壁を超えて成長した人（自分でも）を今まで何回も見ただろう？失敗すると思ったのに何か出来たのを何回もあっただろう？違うと思ってたけど大丈夫だったこともあっただろー？落ちると思ったのに合格したこと？何回も自分をびっくりするのに自信を上がらせるまで上がらない。自信を持ちすぎるように見えないために褒められても「いいえいいえ」とかを言っちゃうのが多いね。自分の経験のお陰で褒め言葉を言ってくれれば、「ありがとう」を言ってもっと頑張るモチベーションとして使ったらいいと思う。
自分がまだ気づいてない力はある。人間は凄いと思う。だけど、人生は幸福だけではない。それは事実だ。ただし、何が起こっても応援してくれる人が絶対一人でもいるだろう。どんなにキツくなっても、一人ではない。そして他人も一人にならないように助けたらいいと思う。
何があっても先に進められる。考え方が必要だけで、無理だと思っても無理ではない。チャレンジして。後悔をしないようにやりたいことがあればやればいい。しょうがないことを忘れ、自分の失敗を許して、モチベーションとして使ったらいい。それをできれば、ポジティブな考え方に少しずつなると思う。
ポジティブな考え方は難しくないけど、悪い経験（落ちたとか）をポジティブな感じ（モチベーション化する）にするのは練習しないと。何がよかった？もしかしたら仲良い人たちといた？しない方が良いことが分かってきた？例えば、レストランで世界一のまずい食事を食べて文句言う人が多いと思うけど、友達といた時を大切にすればみんなでその経験を得たって嬉しくない？思い出になる。幸せさがそんな難しくないと思う。
これから
2019年でユーチューブ、ブログ、カメラに慣れ、人として成長する。いろいろなやりたいことがある。特にカメラの前にいる時、恥ずかしくなるから挫折になる。だけど、今までの経験で、自信がなく、カメラに恥ずかしくて、そういう気持ちが必要ではないと思う。ポジティブさ、新たな経験などについてよく話すのに、恥ずかしい時があればやめちゃうからそれに負けたくない。
それで、今年は色々あると思うけど、カメラに慣れ、ユーチューブなどをちゃんと始める予定。もちろん他の予定もあるから全部やりたい（運動、ドラム、ボーカル、旅行など）。
何が起こってもポジティブにしたり、進んだり、モチベーションをキーピしたり、大切な人のために頑張る。
だから君も頼みたい。落ちても夢があったら頑張ってほしい。新しい趣味、新しい言語、やりたいことをやってみ。経験をいて。後悔をしないように今までの最高の年を過ごそう。
その上に、ポジティブさを広めよう。
Niko in Japan 